jim gaffigan: king baby transcript

They already put the lotion in the basket. I didn’t know if I wanted this procedure hanging over my head during the holidays. The Chinese were very nice. “How dare you bring up the Santa incident!” Never come back to Philly. Some of those winter activities should get you committed. “We all have our cross to bear.”, It was crazy. But there are people that are more romantic. I would be open to an ultrasound, I think a lot of men are curious what the jelly “on the belly feels like.” Anyway, the doctor, he didn’t think it was funny. It’s mostly little kids learning how to swim and really old, Chinese people with their parents.

Which I think is cowardly. Thank you. “Well, we should check it out.” Now I don’t know why we would let someone named Raper sell RVs. Mike Birbiglia tells stories about his life as a semi-famous comedian/filmmaker and reflects on the meaning of good or bad jokes. Like the surgeon looked at me and thought, “Well, this guy’s not gonna understand centimeters.” I don’t even wanna try and explain circumference. They’re like, “You’re opening for the Pope.” There’s gonna be millions of people there. “Are they natural?” Now you’re looking at my man boobs. Do you like UFOs? All rights reserved. – [cheers and applause] – Thank you. When you hold your newborn child or you fat out of a T-shirt. It’s the same experience. I performed in Japan for the first time – which was amazing. We’ve been together so long I will get angry about a guilt trip she hasn’t even given me yet. He just gave me a look of like, “Dude, I would never do that. You see it in the commercials. Your email address will not be published. Oh, my gosh, you make me feel only 20 pounds overweight. I mean… how anxious do you have to be for people to go, “You should go with it as your name.” “Why’s that?” “That’s what we call you anyway.” So I went off and I tried to think of some Philadelphia jokes. People do it once and they’re like, “‘You know what? “I don’t wanna overdo it.” What is so relaxing about sitting in a hot box next to a pile of smouldering rocks? [laughter] And the movie ended and my wife looked at me and she was like, “Why would someone do that?” And I was like, “Uh, it… it was in the script?” I didn’t say that. It’s like, “Hi, welcome to our hospital.” We’re all about science which is why our building is named after the place God talked to Moses as a burning bush. Well, that one’s different ’cause there’s angels.

People what work in hospitals are truly amazing people. “What’d you do at work, honey?” “Brain surgery!” “That’s fun. They’re just bits of chocolate shaped like Advil. I did 15 minutes of stand-up and then some stagehands pushed his number 18 on the stage and audience members came up and got pictures with the car. This FAQ is empty. But, then again, most Catholics would fail.

Yes!

That’s probably how they attract people to the field. And I felt like we won.

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